![]() You’re going to Google it, and you’re going to find something that will upset you, and I’m sorry that I can’t protect you from this. Blucifer’s horse-danglies are a crime unto God and unto man, and it’s better that you hear it here first. You might be thinking to yourself, “I bet I know what a mustang’s bait and tackle probably look like,” or “I live in a universe that wants good things for me,” but you are wrong. I cannot adequately describe the vascular, Lovecraftian nightmare that is Blucifer’s unholy undercarriage. We need to count our blessings that it’s Blucifer’s eyes that feature the use of the screaming red neon. What Is Even Happening in This Strange Corner of Colorado? This cobalt abomination is the first thing flyers see while making their descent into Denver, and it sets the tone beautifully: Blucifer is a 32-foot-tall, four-and-a-half-ton statue of a blue mustang with flaming coal-red eyes and an expression straight out of a Hieronymous Bosch painting. It has installed talking gargoyles, helpful infographics about the necessity of renovating the lizard people’s lair, and an Illuminati Shake at the airport’s branch of Little Man Ice Cream (it’s made of vanilla ice cream, absinthe, and maraschino liqueur, for the record.)īut in this cornucopia of madness, one equine shape towers above the rest, and the world knows it by the name Blucifer. The airport even participates in its own cult status. The airport has become the locus of several elaborate conspiracy theories, from lizard people to freemasonry. Atlanta’s airport is busy and Chicago’s is messy and New York’s is fragrant, but Denver’s airport is a truly singular nightmare vision, from the ghoulish murals to the rumors of secret subterranean catacombs deep beneath it. Since its creation, it’s gained a reputation among flyers as the air travel equivalent of a blood-soaked Precious Moments figurine. Denver International Airport is a profoundly cursed airport built in 1995 to the tune of $4.8 billion (that’s ‘billion’ with a ‘b’-‘b’ for ‘but how in the blue hell did it go $2 billion over budget and where did all that money go, and also ‘b’ as in ‘beats me, you ask a lot of questions’).
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